What Love?

The other day I thought I saw my daughter among a group of SHELTER girls pouring into SHELTER 1 for a party. My Anne a SHELTER kid? As the thought dawned on me, I felt a deep pain inside me. My angst was a mixture of grief and guilt.

Something must have gone wrong for Anne to end up in SHELTER. But is it so bad that my daughter should be a SHELTER kid? Why would it be the last resort before I would send my own child to a home I myself run? Why the angst?

Actually, it is right that any parent should send their child to a children’s home only as a last resort. For Anne to be left at SHELTER, my wife and I would have to be dead – my little Anne an orphan, without the love of a mother and father – how sad I felt for her. Also, before we would abandon Anne to the care of strangers, if we were not dead, we would have to be totally incapacitated.

My thoughts went to the SHELTER kids – aren’t they in such circumstances?

If Anne were to be made an orphan, it should be assumed that her aunts and uncles or friends would take and raise her with tender loving care. If that failed to materialize, it would be a case of a breakdown of family and friendship …aunts and uncles and friends who desert us in our hour of need.

If Anne finally ended up in SHELTER, then what? It certainly would be better than being neglected or abused by relatives or friends. Here, she’ll be safe and have her own mates. But she would not receive the love and protection that I, as a father, should have given her.

This led me to reflect on my performance as a staff member: how much do I love the SHELTER kids? I know now I have to change. I must treat the children as if my own child was staying here.

There are many things we do in SHELTER Home that we would not in a normal home.  Due to the number of kids, we have to implement some housekeeping rules which would be unnecessary and even unreasonable in a home consisting only of parents and two kids.

Also, most of the kids that come to SHELTER have not been socialized (which is partly why some of them end up here). Discipline constantly looms as a big issue. I often have to use more force to teach them certain truths of life than with my own kids.

Still I could love the children more or teach them better. Do I really have to do things the way I do now?

The other day, one of the SHELTER children asked me point blank: Do you love me? To be honest, I had to take evasive action. I give my best to the children. In fact I often spend more time playing with them than my own kids. Yet I have not felt the same for them as my own.

But is it possible to love these kids the same as one’s flesh and blood? Perhaps not. But I have been awoken to a new standard by which to measure my own performance.

As a donor or volunteer, would you join me in trying to love and care for the SHELTER kids… as your own?