Today’s girl child:

Finds her parents intolerable. And parents are finding the teenage girls beyond their control:

Mother: She doesn’t listen to me anymore.
Daugher: She doesn’t listen to me at all.

Mother: She plays truant.
Daughter: That’s the only time she pays attention.

Mother: She is never at home.
Daughter: Nether is she.

Mother: She spends too much money.
Daughter: I want to look nice. All my friends have more money than me.

Why is this happening?

Today, more than ever, households suffer from the breaking down of the family structure. Divorce rates are high. Single parenting is widespread. Child physical and sexual abuse is rampant. However, a more subtle form of this breakdown is in the communication between parents and their children.

There is little quality time spent between parent and child. Sometimes, this is due to parents being too busy earning an income and what they perceive as building a better future for their children. Or, parents don’t understand their children and vice versa, and communication between the two parties fizzles to nothingness. Shouting matches become the only mode of conversation. Children feel unloved. Moreover, if their parents are never at home, why should they be? Meanwhile, there are pull factors from outside the home: peer pressure, boyfriends, drugs and good times with friends.

James Nayagam of SHELTER sums it up: It is a tug of war between family and peers. The girl is being pulled from opposite directions.

When a girl is unhappy at home and ends up being closer to her boyfriend than to her own parents, extreme cases of social problems can arise:

According to the latest statistics, an average of eight girls between the ages of 14 and 16 run away from home every day in Malaysia. That’s 240 a month.

Some girls leave home in search of a better quality of life. Without proper academic qualifications, they end up as GROs or get involved in other unhealthy activities.

Girls who have run away from home become vulnerable to the antics of men and some are forced into vice for the gratification of adults.

The abortion rate has risen to an average of 300 a day, based on an independent research done by a local university.

James Nayagam: Children will go where they are perceived they are wanted. It may not be a conscious thing. What it boils down to is the lack of quality relationships between parent and child. And, children do not listen to those who have not made any investments in their lives.

Usually, both parents work at the cost of living is high. As such, they are distracted by other priorities such as income and career progression. They have broken relationships with children. Children are not disciplined. Sometimes, the parents are violent and abusive towards children.

What has SHELTER done to improve the situation?

-        Taking action by removing children from dangerous situations and, sometimes, placing them in our homes.

-        Being proactive by helping to diffuse crisis within a family through counselling for children and their families

During these sessions the counsellors impart problem solving skills, so that families can stay together and deal with their conflicts well; help parents see the reason behind their children’s behaviour and to understand the deeper problems; help parents and children be honest about the real issues and problems in their relationship, help develop communication between parents and child; help raise self-esteem; show them how to make the right choices and help people to be responsible for their feelings.