Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse
What is sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse of children may include sexual touching, masturbation, intercourse, indecent exposure, use of children in or showing children pornographic films or pictures, encouraging or forcing children into prostitution or encouraging or forcing children to witness sexual acts. Children and young people of all ages can be victims of abuse.
Most sexual abuse of children is carried out by someone they know
Children are more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know, including relatives and family friends, than by a stranger. Children may have confused feelings if they are being abused by someone they trust. They may not realise that what is being done to them is abuse.
What kind of people sexually abuse children?
Child sex abusers can come from any social, racial or religious background and may be well-respected members of society. Those who sexually abuse children within families include fathers, stepfathers, live-in partners, brothers, uncles, male cousins, grandfathers, father figures and close family friends. Sometimes the sex abuser could also be the mother or a female relative. Those who abuse children in one family may also abuse children in other families.
Targeting children
An abuser may target girls or boys or prefer children of a particular age. Child sex abusers often appear kind, concerned and caring towards children in order to build close relationships with them. They may observe a child and spend a long time building up the 'friendship'. They may form a relationship with a single parent in order to get access to the children.
Grooming children
Child sex abusers may spend a lot of time building the relationship before the abuse begins. This often results in the child trusting and becoming dependent on them. This is called grooming. The abuser may seem to be a safe and reassuring figure. He may also convince himself that he is doing no harm to the children.
Keeping secrets
As the child becomes more dependent on the abuser, and in order to keep the abuse secret, the abuser will use the child's natural fear, embarrassment or guilt about what is happening to make the child keep quiet. A child who talks and shares his/her feelings with parents and others is less likely to become dependent on a single abusing adult.
How can I keep my child safe?
- Build open and trusting relationships with your children
- Keep an eye on any changes in your child's behaviour
- Make sure your child understands about sex
- Talk to your children about sexual matters when they start to show an interest
- Explain the difference between 'good' and 'bad' secrets
- Sexual behaviour between children can become abusive. Seek advice if you are worried. You could talk to your doctor, to a paediatrician, or to any other professional who works with children.
How will I know if my child is being abused?
When abuse has been discovered, parents often say there were no obvious signs to make them suspect their child was being abused, even when the abuser was their partner. However, although the following behaviour does not necessarily indicate abuse, sometimes a child who is being abused will:
- Start to show fear or avoid being alone with a particular person
- Appear unusually clingy or show other changes in their behaviour
- Talk about secrets or ask anxious questions
- Describe possible grooming behaviour by an adult
- Display sexually precocious behaviour
- Appear depressed or withdrawn.
What should I do if I suspect that my child is being abused?
- Talk to your child
- Be reassuring - tell them that you love them and nothing will change that
- Allow your child to tell you their story in their own way without interrupting them with lots of questions
- Believe your child
- Tell them that they have done the right thing in telling you
- Tell them that what has happened was not their fault
- You need to share your concerns: Please call Shelter (603-79550663) if you need some advice and are not sure what to do.
Could my family be broken up and my children taken away from me?
In most cases it should be the abuser, rather than the child, who is removed from the family home. However, this will depend on whether a criminal charge is brought against the abuser and there is a conviction, or if the court decides that your child needs to be under the care of your local Social Welfare Dept in a Place of Safety. Priority must be given to your child's long-term safety and well-being.
How should I react if my child tells me that he or she has been abused?
- Your child needs to know that he or she is not to blame
- Make it clear that you believe what he or she says
- Allow your child to talk about what has happened, but don't force him or her to do so
- Tell your child that he or she has done the right thing in telling you. Don't blame him or her if the abuse occurred because he or she disobeyed your instructions (for example, going out without permission)
- You may feel very confused, particularly if the abuser is a relative. You may want help in coping with powerful and conflicting emotions about the abuse. These could include shock, anger, disbelief, self-blame and fear.
- What should I do about the abuse/abuser?
- Be careful about confronting the person yourself. They may try to silence, threaten or confuse your child.
- You should get advice before you take any action.
- Call Shelter at 603-79550663. We can also assist you in making a report/referral to the relevant agencies
- Call your local Social Welfare Department
- In an emergency, call the Police
Useful Links
